Anxiety
My sister moved yesterday to a new house after being there since 2009. She moved 4 blocks away. What ensued was feelings of uncertainty, one child with a headache, another that threw up.
My mother went to see a small home that she is also potentially considering moving into and shared that she didn't sleep all night. Thoughts on her front for Israel are to rent and eventually perhaps buy, being in both locations, which would be very nice for us.
What a club, as I too didn't sleep given very active internal movements. I worry about a healthy delivery and how all the pieces will come together. Feeling homeless is not fun.
Anxiety is such an unfair part of biology. It is paralyzing, exhausting and causes so many lost opportunities. My sister's scenario reminded me of when our son switched schools, the first night back he screamed endlessly. The only resolve was by showing him some video about planets (how this worked, I'm not entirely sure). His question to me over Shabbat was if the plane to Israel would have a TV and if it is password protected. He was very happy to hear that he'd be able to sit 10 hours if he wanted, with non-stop screen time. Hurray!
I'm the worst when it comes to transitions. Yet, once my feet are back on the ground, more or less, adrenaline goes into action and the fight-or-flight response becomes all about the fight.
My recent experience with anxiety didn't go all too well in route to London. I didn't want to go on the plane, but followed my husband's footsteps and we experienced wonderful activities and sights together. Noting his courage, sense of direction, I might have been able to do these things alone, but not without a challenge. I felt and continue to feel blessed to have a partner so grounded.
I woke up at 6:20 a.m. this morning short of breath, peering from my daughter's bed (getting her ready for school) at the 3 rooms and comfort of what's been home. I cuddle her and share some words in Hebrew with her, trying to mix in some words here and there in anticipation.
Our move isn't for another 7 months. There's so much still to do. But I'm already feeling it.
The familiar is so nice. If we could, I'm sure many feel that they'd stay put in one place and never move. But that's unrealistic and happens maybe to a small minority. I share with a friend who texts me that night that I envy her ability to get up and travel, spending 1-2 months in exotic places with her two little children in tow. "I have anxiety being late to places," she shares. The normalcy of these feelings and support provide a little bit of comfort.
Friends finding out slowly about our more serious plan, being both excited, happy yet sad. It's a strange mix of emotions and we try not to cry as it feeds into a reality that's getting closer.
I was sharing these sentiments with my husband this morning. "I'm not cleaning up vomit," he quickly said. Though I wonder if my mother-hood instincts will keep me so busy in the moment to worry about them than myself.
Time will tell.
My mother went to see a small home that she is also potentially considering moving into and shared that she didn't sleep all night. Thoughts on her front for Israel are to rent and eventually perhaps buy, being in both locations, which would be very nice for us.
What a club, as I too didn't sleep given very active internal movements. I worry about a healthy delivery and how all the pieces will come together. Feeling homeless is not fun.
Anxiety is such an unfair part of biology. It is paralyzing, exhausting and causes so many lost opportunities. My sister's scenario reminded me of when our son switched schools, the first night back he screamed endlessly. The only resolve was by showing him some video about planets (how this worked, I'm not entirely sure). His question to me over Shabbat was if the plane to Israel would have a TV and if it is password protected. He was very happy to hear that he'd be able to sit 10 hours if he wanted, with non-stop screen time. Hurray!
I'm the worst when it comes to transitions. Yet, once my feet are back on the ground, more or less, adrenaline goes into action and the fight-or-flight response becomes all about the fight.
My recent experience with anxiety didn't go all too well in route to London. I didn't want to go on the plane, but followed my husband's footsteps and we experienced wonderful activities and sights together. Noting his courage, sense of direction, I might have been able to do these things alone, but not without a challenge. I felt and continue to feel blessed to have a partner so grounded.
I woke up at 6:20 a.m. this morning short of breath, peering from my daughter's bed (getting her ready for school) at the 3 rooms and comfort of what's been home. I cuddle her and share some words in Hebrew with her, trying to mix in some words here and there in anticipation.
Our move isn't for another 7 months. There's so much still to do. But I'm already feeling it.
The familiar is so nice. If we could, I'm sure many feel that they'd stay put in one place and never move. But that's unrealistic and happens maybe to a small minority. I share with a friend who texts me that night that I envy her ability to get up and travel, spending 1-2 months in exotic places with her two little children in tow. "I have anxiety being late to places," she shares. The normalcy of these feelings and support provide a little bit of comfort.
Friends finding out slowly about our more serious plan, being both excited, happy yet sad. It's a strange mix of emotions and we try not to cry as it feeds into a reality that's getting closer.
I was sharing these sentiments with my husband this morning. "I'm not cleaning up vomit," he quickly said. Though I wonder if my mother-hood instincts will keep me so busy in the moment to worry about them than myself.
Time will tell.
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